Are you still watching me?
by totallyhot
Summary: Sam contemplates what her and Jack's relationship was like. Rated for bad language, sexual situations and overall sadness. Probably it'll stay a one shot. Read, review and enjoy.


**Key: **

_Italics: Flashbacks/past events_

Underlined words: Actions 

**Disclaimer: I still don't own a thing :(**

**I'm in a pissy mood so the story is a little pissy too. Sorry I've been a lil MIA lately but i've been busy. I won't bore you with the details so without further ado...  
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**Oh btw this takes place in Jack's little private river housie thing he fishes in. Ya'll know what I'm talking about. Also Her hair is long because I like it long...It's sexier...  
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><p>I still love you. No matter what hell you put me through I still love you. I've got your back, you've got my.<p>

The shit you put me through is finally over. Hell, the shit I've put you through is finally over. I can't help thinking you're better off without me. We are better off without each other.

_"You bitch!" _

_"I hate you!" _

_"I wish I'd never met you"_

_"This...us...it was a mistake"_

All the things you've shouted to me come flooding back once in awhile. But I'm not completely innocent in this game.

_"Oh fuck you!"_

_"Go to hell!" _

_"You're the worst boyfriend ever"_

_"We should've never done this"_

You had my back, I had yours. But I guess even good friends grow apart. Even lovers. We should have tried again. We should have tried another round of this thing called we had called love.

Could you honestly have said you were in love with me? I used to love you. Now there's nothing left anymore to love. All the good in you has withered away, only leaving a cold hard shell.

_"Jack please don't leave!" I yelled to you. I walked out the door too. I followed him to the elevator, little tears making paths on my cheek. _

_"Sam please. We both know this is only going to get harder if we wait." He said. I didn't want him to leave though. I wanted to hug him, kiss him, love him. Anything to make him stay. Anything to make these tears go away._

_"No. No! I won't let you go Jack! We've worked to hard to let something get between us." I couldn't let this happen. I had been alone too long before this._

_"Sam I-" i shut him up with a kiss. A long, passionate kiss that, thank the heavens above, shut him up. Long enough for the transportation door to open. But not long enough to keep him from stepping into the machine. Not long enough for him to stay. Not long enough for these tears to go away. But long enough to feel all my hope disappear._

Is this what you wanted? Did you want me to go on without you? That's what it feels like and I hate it.

I haven't been on a mission since. The team's worried but I don't care. I only went on half of them in the first place because of you.

Can I just tell you something? It's a secret so don't tell anyone. Please? Well just between me and you, I had a dream. I was laying on a cloud with you next to me. Then slowly you began to fade away until I was alone. And you know what you were replaced with? A big hole. Yes my darling, a big hunkin hole of nothing. A hole that eventually I rolled into. I fell and fell until I too turned into nothing.

_"Sam"_

"_Jack"_

_"I'm sorry" _

_"You were still right"_

_"About which part?_

_"That I'm a bitch"  
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_"I know"_

_"So we aren't getting back together this time?" _

_"No Carter."_

_"See ya around I guess?" _

_"Are you really going to let go that easy?" _

_"No Sir" _

How come it was so easy for you to let go? Was I not good enough for you? Was the sex bad? Damn it Jack answer me! Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. What did I do wrong?

_"What are we doing Sam?" _

_"what do you mean?"_

_"I mean, we love each other but we always fight about the smallest things"_

_"It just makes us stronger Jack"_

_"I wish we didn't have to fight all the time"_

"_Me too" _

_"Good. So what's for lunch?" _

Can I tell you another secret? I still love you. I'm terribly and helplessly in love you and I have no idea why. I look back at the first time we met at the SGC and I can see now we were destined for love. Nobody said it was going to be easy though. I just wish we could go back to the start so all the fights never happened. This, this should've never happened. Today should've been spent in your arms. God I miss being in your arms.

_"Sam...I really missed you..."_

Long Passionate Hello Kiss

_"Jack..."_

_"I know, it's against the rules. Please baby just for tonight forget the rules. Let me love you. Let me show you just how much I love you. Let me show you what I hold back doing every time I see you. Let me show how much I need you."_

_"Do it. Please. _

I remember the night we first made love. You told me it would just be once. We got addicted though. Not to sex, but to love. The feeling of having the person you love in your arms. We were addicted to pure and simple love.

But nothing good can last forever and I doubt time can heal all wounds. As I place flowers on your grave I know that your watching over me. I still love you Jack. Nothing can change that.

_R.I.P_

_Jack O'Neill _

_Beloved Husband and Commander_

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><p><strong> I'm not in a depressing mood at all *sarcasm* I really wish they made another movie so Sam and Jack can finally get together *sighs*<strong>

**Well please review and make me a lil happier :)**

**Dooooo ittttt hittt thattt butttonnn brooo hehe XD  
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